30MIRE Part 22017-05-29T19:33:55+00:00

Identify and Let Go of Your False and Limiting Beliefs

Why You Need to Clear Your False and Limiting Beliefs (FLBs)?

The reason many people manifest their exes (or a new relationship) into their lives, but for a temporary period only, is they usually go back into their old habits of being insecure, jealous, fearful of being abandoned or cheated on, and feeling unworthy of love.

These negative relationship pattern and behaviors come from false and limiting beliefs stored in their subconscious. These patterns are natural defense mechanisms to deal with deep-seated physical, mental, and emotional trauma experienced in negative, dysfunctional, and destructive events. These events may include being abandoned as a child, having an unhappy childhood, abuse, negative comments from parents and teachers, earlier relationship experiences, memories of being rejected and cheated on, and so many others.

These false and limiting beliefs create emotional blockages that hinder you from having a long-term, stable, and healthy relationship. Even though you may find yourself in a brand new relationship with your ex (or with someone else), these same issues with continue to resurface, which will again contribute to self-sabotage and cause issues in your relationship.

For many people, these false and limiting beliefs also tend to attract the same type of partners and continue to expose them to the same type of [dysfunctional] relationships.

Some Common False and Limiting Beliefs in Relationships

1. Fear that your partner will eventually leave you

This FLB comes from fear of abandonment. This stems from being abandoned by one or both parents as a child, or not seeing either or both parents for long periods.

If you have this fear, you feel unsupported, even your partner tries their best to support you. You usually have thoughts that your  partner will eventually leave you. Just like what happened to you all your life.

When you have this FLB, you:

  • Consciously or unconscious start arguments to test your partners, although this usually backfires because your partner ends up leaving you
  • Get involved with people who are not readily available, like these people live in other places, are committed to others, etc.
  • Tend to become clingy when in a relationship
  • Avoid relationships altogether so you won’t experience being abandoned

2. You don’t feel worthy or enough

You feel unworthy of love, a good partner, or of a good relationship. You think that if your partner really knew who you really are, what you’ve been through, your real situation in life they would reject you. Because of this fear, you usually invent a false version of yourself.

When you have this FLB, you:

  • Are critical of other people
  • Have a hard time accepting criticisms
  • End up demanding reassurance from your partner
  • Are drawn to people who are critical of you
  • Like to hide your authentic self

3. Fear of getting hurt

This false and limiting belief usually comes from an unsafe environment, where the people close to you were physically, mentally, or emotionally abused. Because of your experiences seeing these types of relationships around you, you fear that it will eventually happen to you. This fear often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When you have a fear of getting hurt, you tend to generalize that the people close to you will just take advantage of you if you don’t protect yourself. You also think they will abuse or hurt you.

When you have this FLB, you:

  • Look for signs of betrayal or abuse
  • Suspicious of your partner’s real motive whenever they extend a nice gesture
  • Think your partner will cheat or is cheating on you
  • Lash out at your partner to protect yourself from being abused
  • Avoid having close relationships with others
  • Avoid relationships altogether because you don’t think you can trust anyone

4.  You think and feel that your partner will not be there for you when you need them

This happens when you lack emotional support, affection, understanding, and guidance growing up. This childhood experience makes you anticipate that you will be emotionally deprived in your adult life as well.

You have thoughts like you don’t get the kind of love that you need, you don’t have anyone in your life who cares about you, and you don’t feel emotionally connected to anyone.

When you have this FLB, you:

  • Become angry and demanding when your partner doesn’t give you what you need
  • Are drawn to people who are emotionally-detached as you can find yourself in them
  • Don’t open up to your partner because you think they will not be interested
  • Resent your partner when you don’t get the kind of love and understanding that you need

5. You think you are a failure

When you have this false and limiting belief, you always think that failure is inevitable. You are also insecure when around people because you are not as talented, successful, or smart.

You think that your friends are more successful than you are, so you don’t feel like you measure up to them. You also think you don’t have any skills or talents. You also feel insecure when your partner is more successful and more accomplished than you are.

When you have this FLB, you:

  • Avoid situations where you think you will be compared to others
  • Allow others to look down on your accomplishments
  • Minimize your potentials
  • Hide your authentic self for fear of failure
  • Judge and criticize others

Identify Your False and Limiting Beliefs

To help you identify your false and limiting b, I prepared some questions for you to answer. Please answer honestly and truthfully so that your TRUE false and limiting beliefs will come to the surface: 

Take note that in negative emotions may arise while trying to recall your past experiences.

Fears and FLBs while dating:

1. What are your fears while dating? (you can write multiple fears, FLBs)

Ex. I fear that my date will not like me if they knew that I am a single parent.

2. What is the root cause of this fear / FLB?

Ex. Growing up, my parents and grandparents used tell me not to be like the single mothers in our town because they bring shame to their family (common belief in Asia)

3. Who passed this fear / FLB on to you? From whom did you get this energy block?

Ex. My parents and grandparents

4. At what age did you first feel this fear / FLB?

Examples

When I first had my boyfriend at 16. I kept thinking that he might get me pregnant and then leave me. 

When I got divorced at 25, and couldn’t open up to my dates that I have a child because of fear of being rejected

5. Write down the opposite of this belief in present tense 

Ex. I am proud of being a mother. My partner loves and accepts me and my child wholeheartedly. 

Fears and FLBs while in a relationship:

1. What are your fears while in a relationship? (you can write multiple fears, FLBs)

Ex: I fear that my partner will eventually cheat on me and then leave me

2. What is the root cause of this fear / FLB? 

Ex. My dad cheated on my mother. All my previous partners cheated on me.

3. Who passed this fear / FLB on to you? From whom did you get this energy block?

Ex. From my dad and all my ex-partners. 

4. At what ages did you feel this fear / FLB?

Examples:

When I was 15, when my mother found out that my dad was cheating on her

When I was 17, when I found out my boyfriend at that time was pining for someone else while with me

When I was 22, when my sister saw my boyfriend at that time with someone else

When I was 25, when my boyfriend at that time hooked up with his ex

5. Write down affirmations that are opposites of this belief. These could be multiple affirmations. Write in present tense.  

Examples:

I have a committed and loyal partner who loves and accepts me unconditionally

I am in a committed and healthy relationship with my partner

I feel secure and confident in our relationship

My partner and I are madly in-love with each other 

Fears and FLBs after a break-up:

1. What are your fears when you have broken up with your partner?

Ex: I fear that my partner has already moved on with someone else

2. What is the root cause of this fear / FLB? 

Ex. I see this everywhere: on TV, social media; I see it among my friends. This has been my experience in the past as well. 

3. Who passed this fear / FLB on to you? From whom did you get this energy block?

Ex. From social media, my favorite celebrities, friends, family

4. At what ages did you feel this fear / FLB?

Examples:

When I was 22, my boyfriend left me and moved in with someone else almost right away

When I was 27, my boyfriend left me and got married with someone else after 3 months

5. Write down affirmations that are opposites of this belief. You can write multiple affirmations. Write in present tense.  

Examples:

My parter still loves me and wants to be with me

My partner believes we can work things out

My partner realized that I am their one true love. 

Do the same for the following:

Fears and FLBs about marriage / being married

Fears and FLBs about the concept of pure and unconditional love

Fears and FLBs when it comes to sex (ex. Some people use sex for validation)

Fears and FLBs about finding the perfect partner

Fears and FLBs about having children (if this is your plan down the road)

Fears and FLBs about being your true and authentic self

Other fears that you can think of 🙂

How to Clear the Energy Blockages Caused by these False and Limiting Beliefs

  1. Identify which belief you want to clear
  2. Recall a specific memory at a specific age that you believe is the root cause of this fear / FLB. See this memory in your mind’s eye.
  3. Notice whether you feel some pain in your body while revisiting this specific memory. Take note of that part of your body.
  4. Forgive all the people involved in that memory, because they unconsciously imprinted this fear / FLB in your subconscious. Extend them understanding and compassion. Make sure you forgive them without conditions.
  5. Say this: “I release and let go all sadnesses, all fears, all emotional traumas, all angers, guilt, abandonment, betrayal, disgust, and helplessness associated with this memory. I release and let go everything.”
  6. Once you released all these negative energy blocks, extend love to all the people involved, even though it may be difficult for you to do this at first.
  7. Once you feel you have sent them unconditional love, replace that memory with a positive and empowering one. This positive memory could be:
    1. The opposite of that memory – Ex. If you were abandoned as a child, revise it by imagining the person who abandoned you giving you assurance that they will be there, and that they will always support, protect and love you. Feel the love coming from them.
    2. By thinking of any childhood experience that made you feel loved and happy
  8. See this new positive and empowering memory in your mind’s eye
  9. Then let it go with love <3

Do this with your other FLBs.