I’m sure you have a lot of questions right now. You probably haven’t had “the talk” yet, or if you have, you’re still trying to wrap your head around the fact that the one person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with just got up and hit the road. You never thought this day would come, and yet, here you are.
For some reasons, you never saw it coming. Like that rom-com movie you just went to see together last month, your beau was in a perfect relationship with you. Perfect. You were happy, blessed, and loved. Everyday was like the first days of love, and everyday was a dream-come-true honeymoon with him. Life apart was unimaginable.
So, where did it go wrong? Why, all of a sudden and out of the blue, he’s got up and finally decided to leave? In the first place, when did everything turn sour?
The power of your thoughts
Before we move on to finding the answers to your questions, I want you to understand one simple line: Thoughts become things. It sounds fairly common enough, but if it doesn’t ring a bell, let me help you understand.
This means that whatever goes on in your mind, whatever things you choose to think about, becomes a reality for you and everything around you. Your thoughts, coupled with your feelings, create an outcome in your physical world. Otherwise put, the reality that you’re in right now is actually just a manifestation of everything that you thought of. Thoughts plus feelings equals manifestation.
When you want something so badly, and you think about all your insecurities while comparing yourself with others thinking you always fall short, or that they are way better than you at anything, then you’re really never going to have what you want.
If you resort to self-pity and suffer an inevitable loss of self-confidence, what do you think will happen? By the universal power of your thoughts, you are never going to get to live your dream.
If, by now, you think that your ex has finally moved on and you keep feeding yourself with mental images of him with somebody else, then, of course, Lo, and behold! your ex will have really moved on.
The concept, albeit too simple to understand, plays a very important role in giving you the key to a full appreciation of what went wrong with your perfect relationship.
Retracing your steps
There is no such thing as coincidence. There are no random chances. Things happen as a result of your decisions – a result of your choices.
One day, you professed your love for each other. The next? You yell at each other and spend the night at your parents’ house. Or, perhaps, you lock yourself up in the bathroom and cry. In the most likely scenario, he headed out for the night and grabbed a bottle or two to drown out his sorrows.
You ask yourself, when did this happen? When did you start fighting? And over the pettiest of things!
Whose fault was it in the first place?
We always try to find someone or something to blame for the things that went wrong. Most likely, we probably couldn’t accept the possibility that we might have contributed to the cause of our own misfortunes.
And you can’t just say, ‘Life is unfair!’ or that why, of all people, did it have to be you. Because, this time, it wasn’t just because the universe decided to randomly pick on you. This time, you played the part of a victim to a crime which you, yourself, authored.
To help you understand, let us go back and retrace your history with your ex. Keep an open mind to the possibility that your break up might have been a product of your own doing.
What I need you to do is to try and think back to the last time you and your ex had the time of your lives together, be it the honeymoon stage or an anniversary celebration. I’d like you to go through the time when both of you barely fought at all.
You see, a falling out doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that takes time. More often than not, it comes around unnoticed – either because you were too busy or that you knew but chose to ignore it.
As you try to unearth the memories, a clearer picture will let you see that, indeed, it was you all along who perpetuated the break up.
Do you remember what I said about the power of thoughts? They create your outer reality.
So, just as you were in the beginning of your relationship, you focused on nothing but the two of you. You were so happy and very much in love. He was everything to you, as you were everything to him. You were each others’ worlds. There was only you and him, and that was pretty much everything that can be said about either of you.
As perfect as you were together, it was impossible to see the end of a rainbow. As far as you were concerned, there was nowhere else to go but forward, your futures intertwined. Your love was perfect because you saw it perfectly. You thought nothing about giving up, letting go, or falling out.
But, like the human that you are, you began to doubt.
You think you’re a good person and you deserve this kind of love but you don’t. You think that because you’ve been nothing but kind, giving, and thoughtful, you deserve this kind of bliss, but you don’t. You used to think that you do, but then you’ve gotten so confused because everything was so surreal and so good to be true! You doubted yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
That’s when you began to destroy your own perfect little world. By entertaining thoughts of indiscretions, you contoured your relationship to fit into the general rule that nothing lasts forever.
Trust was a thing of the past as he became a walking reminder of how easily he could break your heart.
There was now a need to keep him in line, a conscious effort to make sure he doesn’t look for someone else – a need to monitor his every move, his every call, his every conversation and activity on social media.
Privacy ceased to be an option for him as you were always on the lookout for anything that might provoke your suspicions. Paranoia consumed you, and it took from you your security.
With this, of course, came the inevitable fighting. You jump at the slightest issue, fuss over the littlest of things, and blow everything out of proportions that, eventually, it was difficult not to make a big deal out of your daily arguments together.
His love no longer sufficed because you’ve grown too insecure in the relationship. You keep having these thoughts that he might be seeing someone else, or that he might seek attention from anyone other than you, that somehow, these thoughts are becoming what they are in real life. The time he spends outside with his friends became more frequent, and the more you argued, the less you communicated.
It’s hard not to notice the days, weeks, months that followed. Despite both your best efforts to work on the relationship, a huge wall between you bars you from finding true reconciliation. Either too many spiteful words have been said, or too much pain has already been caused. Needless to say, the damage done is at the point of irreparability. Your worst fears have come true. The things that used to dwell only in your mind have come out to haunt you for real.
Being human is not always the best thing. We’re given the ability to be happy, to be positive, and to be thankful; but we’re also given the ability to feel sad, lonely, and hopeless, and the extreme tendency to feel jealous, greedy, insecure and proud.
The worst part is that these emotions are only a product of our minds. If we stay positive and thankful, and remain focused on the brighter side of things, we wouldn’t face our own worst fears; but if we think about the things that could destroy us, we’d lay the foundation for own destruction. It’s not always orange and peaches being human and vulnerable.
This is why relationships rarely, if not at all, die a natural death. We always murder them with out attitude, behavior, ego, or ignorance. We create a tiny spark of problem in our heads that we, little by little, fuel with our own emotions and negative thoughts; and these negative thoughts transform and manifest into the reality that we currently experience.
What once was a beautiful love could easily be overcome by the power of your negative thoughts.
Where does that leave you?
Now that we’ve established and appreciated the incredible power of your mind, it is safe to say that, from now on, you will always mind your thoughts. Thinking may be so easy at times that we forget how impelling its influence on our reality can be. The words and ideas we play in our head are the very things that move us into doing things in the physical world. They are those that push us to act in all kinds of diverse situations in life, and to respond to the actions of others as well.
We are the ones making the call, always remember that. The decisions that we make come from the ideas and thoughts in our head. How do you think we weigh the pros and cons before we decide on something? How do you think other people would act around you if you weren’t thinking about stuff in the first place?
We don’t act the way we do if we don’t think about them first.
Think about it. If you hadn’t been so paranoid about him being attracted to someone else, you wouldn’t have been so over-protective of him now, would you? If you hadn’t been jealous at his every female work colleague, you wouldn’t have fought with him so much. If you hadn’t berated him about his night outs with friends, he wouldn’t have felt the need for space and some time off. If you just hadn’t kept invading his privacy on social media, his phone messages, or work calls, he wouldn’t have felt fed up with you.
It all started when you refused to believe a perfect relationship exists, and that you, two, will stay perfect together for a long time.
What destroyed your relationship with him were the little things that you first created in your mind, and later translated into a reality. When you started to think about the impossibility of your perfect life together, you created an issue that led you to the belief that he was going to, if not already, cheat on you. You started this little idea in your head that he was going to leave you for a number of reasons that didn’t even exist at that time.
Those reasons eventually existed because you created yourself in your mind. The problem was within you. It was you all along.
So, what now?
You pick yourself up
Things might have already ended between the two of you for good, but there’s always hope for a new beginning. Your job now is to take things slowly and pick up the shattered pieces one after the other. Nobody rushes you to move on. Take your time to piece yourself back together while thinking of the immense power of your mind.
Breathe, clear your mind, and start the process of healing. There’s no better way to do it than to use the very instrument that led you to this day: your thoughts. If you think that you can do it, then you will. If you think that you can get him back, you will. If you think there’s a second chance, there will be. It’s all up to you.
When you get past the stage of acceptance, and realize your immense capacity to do anything with the power of your thoughts, everything else becomes easy. It’s all about the state of mind.
One last thing: keep the faith
You are the master of your own destiny, your own life. Own it. Claim it. Take responsibility for it. Remember to stay positive. Be aware of your thoughts and always be careful of the things that you think about. Never think that it is bigger than you, because if you do, moving forward would be impossible. Never doubt yourself again that you can be with him again or with someone better, and it would be a perfect relationship. You can make it perfect through the power of your thoughts.